I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
