I can text with my tongue
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
