how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
