I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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