Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
