She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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