Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
