You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
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