oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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