They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
