Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
