You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
