I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
