Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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