my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
