this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize