I should be sponsored by Trojan
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
