okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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