shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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