My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
