you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
