i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
