if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
