Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize