i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
