i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize