Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
