I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
