Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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