So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
