You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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