u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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