I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
