Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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