3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
