Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
