So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
