Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Two words: blizzard sex
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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