Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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