no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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