I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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