Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
