In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
