I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
