he thought i was a dude.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
