One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
