my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
