Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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