Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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