Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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