but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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