We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
