first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
