I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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