No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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