am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
