We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hippo gnu deer
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
