my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
