Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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