Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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