my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
