weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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