apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize