Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
