You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm getting married
To pizza
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
