I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
