I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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