You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
