hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
