I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
