Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Where is the hickey?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
