I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
