I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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