I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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