Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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