Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
