We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
