Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Randomize
