i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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