She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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