I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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