If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize