Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
