I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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