I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My vagina is officially offended.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
