goodnight i made you a song goodbye
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
