I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
