If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So vagazzling was a success
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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