LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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