dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
