I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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