ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
