I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
