the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
