TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am one with the molecules
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
