big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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