I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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