We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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