why do cheetos always look like penises
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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