Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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