38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
