I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
