I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
