How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
