It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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