he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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