never play flip cup with pint glasses
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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