i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need water and some morals
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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