he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
