Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if only i could text you this smell
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
